I am a loving mother of three beautiful and crazy children–a boy and two girls. A megabitch to my employees at a leading law firm in Boston. My Rage Grover runs all day to and fro and Starfux gets my business at least three times a day. The walk-in closet in my home contains designer everything in black and a few garments in dark-grey.My mother and father are very close and dear to me and I attend church with them at least two Sundays a month–I know it means the world to them. I attend my children’s plays and sports games, depending on the season. I was voted “most likely to make people laugh” my junior year in high school and some yearbook entries read, “…and to eat your lunch if you’re not careful.” Calling myself a porker would be putting it mildly. All my old friends, and those who I dreamt would be, now reach out to me on Facecrook to tell me how gorgeous and how much like a super model I have become. They claim they’re jealous of my success and I believe them. Wherever I go, I demand respect and set fire to insecure women’s hearts; their men stare and I pretend not to notice, I pretend not to care. The truth is, I am glad they notice…I revel in it. I take pleasure in knowing that when they tuck themselves in at night, and the husband spits on it before he slides into that old, dull hole, he’ll be thinking of me.
Today is Friday, and that means its “fun day.” I got off work an hour ago and am on my way downtown to meet Kalpi for a drink or two. I spray a small amount of Fod Tord’s Black Orchid into my cleavage and check my lipstick in the car before I walk in. Kalpi is an Indian girl I met at a bar a few months ago. It was a chance meeting and we hit it off quite well. We always have a good time with each other–she’s got a great sense of humor and an amazing body. We talk and drink and ignore the myriad of guys that hit on us. You should see the hate from these lame assholes. I have no time for little boys trapped inside men’s bodies.
“I am so glad you got a chance to come out with me tonight, Kalpi. Feels good to be free of the little devils for the weekend.”
“Of course, the pleasure is mine. We have an amazing time together, girl–always.”
“We do, don’t we? Hey, I forgot to tell you, I just hired another lawyer. He’s gonna be a great addition to the firm.”
“I envy how strong and successful you are, so driven.”
“Thank you, Kal-kal, you’re so fucking sweet.”
“I mean it, though. It’s so sexy.”
“Ooh, you think I’mmm sexy.”
“Oh, shit, stop it.”
“You have any particular time you want me to drive you home in the morning?”
“Just some time before ten.”
My home is my palace. It is huge and surrounded by a hundred trees. We have dogs, a pig, a few ducks, and a blind rooster that bumps into trees all the time–poor thing.
We walk in and I scream as I take my dress off and look for the Dindori Reserve Shiraz. I got the wine for her. She loves it. She says she needs to feel relaxed in order to enjoy herself. I indulge her with pretty things, expensive things, it makes me feel good to put a smile on her face.
“Kalpi, are you ready, my dear?”
“I am, mama. Wooo!”
“Follow me, ” I say as I grab her by the hand and lead her into my bedroom where it’s dark as cedar and vanilla candles burn quietly.
“Will you be joining us this time or just watching again?”
“If I feel like you’re fucking my husband the way I want you to, I will join in to show you my appreciation.”
“In that case, I will definitely look forward to you joining us tonight.”
With a glass of wine I sit back on my vintage chair wearing my work suit and sip slowly and quietly.
Fuck, it feels good to be the boss.